When relationships trouble us we search for someone to guide us through. Here is Rega’s expert take on relationship issues through storytelling. Rega will come with her weekly relationship tales. For asking her queries write to firstname.lastname@example.org with the subject as ‘RELATIONSHIP TALES’.
In life and at times, we must set back and take some time out to analyse the life and the relationships that surround us. A relationship that literally means ‘the way in which two or more people or things are connected, or the state of being connected’ and when it says connection we often relate to ‘blood connection’ or ‘legal connection’ and doing so brings the attitude that is ‘taken for granted’.
This is the very common phrase that we think of the other person doing to us or vice versa. This is something like you crave it when you do not have and then grabbing it makes you relax till you lose the same and feel restless once more. Any relationship, be it blood connected or otherwise is, in reality, a connection of mind. It is the wavelength in any relationship that matters. A wide spectrum of close affiliations that we may say ‘relations’ have few universal golden rules if applied any relation will become beautiful and strong. Before that let us read a story.
Anita is a 23-year-old girl studying science in one of the top colleges in a city. She has recently fallen in love with a boy, Rajiv. Anita’s parents are well to do professionals in the society. Finance was never an issue for them but there was a slit in the connections they had with each other’s minds. Anita loved Rajiv, which her parents did not support. Anita’s parents always wanted her to become a successful doctor or engineer in the society. Seeing Anita unhappy, Rajiv always insisted that she comes out of the home with him. Anita stayed unhappy and depressed, to which her best friend Nibha took her to the Psychology teacher of her college. Prof. Mehta told her that the entire thing is merely the concept of ‘devaluation of relationships’ unknowingly. Anita was surprised and both the friends, Anita and Nibha sat to listen to the Professor as he speaks.
“Devaluation of relationships comes into existence when we keep our existence ahead of the others. It is important to understand a relationship which may be with anyone in any form but before creating or thinking about any existing relation it is important to make a strong relationship with your own soul, which is the shelter for Eternal Power. The moment one creates a bond with the spiritual soul existent within the soul, a person starts feeling complete and satisfied. Make the first step and then delve into creating a bond with the people around you.”
Anita asks, “How can one be in a relationship with the self? That is weird.”
The Professor smiles and says, “That is not. We often forget that we are complete in ourselves. We look for others to fulfill us like you are looking for Rajiv to make you complete. Your parents think you will complete their dream. You are all dependent because you are incomplete from within.”
“And devaluation of relationships?” asks Anita.
“Yes coming to it, when we all search another person to complete our incompleteness we take our closest relations taken for granted. For say Anita will start thinking what so if I elope with Rajiv? In the end, parents cannot deny the blood connection. This is taking them for granted.”
“Tell me Anita would have the same approach to someone who, though not the biological parents, but have given you food and shelter?” asks the professor.
Anita denies and says that her conscious soul will not allow. The Professor smiled and Anita too. All the three present in the room understand the core thing of the life that the moment we take the person in the relationship taken for granted it soils the relation as we no longer value the person or the relation. A child looks to a father’s duty of providing education as ‘taken for granted’; a father takes the son’s look after to them as ‘taken for granted’, a mother feels that a daughter-in-law must abide by rules, a husband thinks that his wife is his forever, a wife similarly starts believing her husband to be her property for the rest of the life, and the daughter-in-law knows that her mother-in-law will never love her. In this process, everything is done just for duty and not out of love. Where there is love, care must reside. When care builds the nest, the presence of the sweet fragrance of any relation will matter. Nothing lasts for long and hence relationship too might slip out if it is taken for granted.
You praise the Boss of the company you work for as that ensures your benefit but you take your brother or sister for granted as they will exist forever by default. You care for others when the care yields interest in your life, but when we find no point of interest in relations we take it for granted.
It is advisable to nurture each relationship without thinking it to be existent forever. Keep it unconditional to the extent possible. Give true love without expecting anything in return. Do not ‘take it for granted’ as every relationship is precious. Value and appreciate the relationships you have in your life. And ultimately, build a relationship with yourself to make your inner core strong and complete to find solace in all other relationships that you build. Amen!